I’m Sorry. I Thought It Was Just a Date…

Posted on August 14, 2012

 

 

Ok if you know me or if you’re familiar with my writing then you know I am pretty darn optimistic when it comes to Black male/female relationships. I’m not one of the bitter ones. I’m not angry. I see the cup as half full and all that good stuff. I love Black men and I’ve been a strong proponent of the idea that we have more in common than we have differences. However, after actually analyzing the recent turn of events that have occurred between me and the brothers I’m beginning to ponder over this whole Venus/Mars theory and whether or not it holds more truth than I suspected.

Here’s the deal. I don’t get it fellas. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I have no clue as to why you do the things you do and why you respond to me in such mind-boggling manners. I have to admit that my girlfriends and I have shared quite a few simultaneous, head scratches, head shakes, what in the worlds and uncontrollable laughter as we discuss our suitors and pseudo-suitors. For brevity’s sake I will narrow the Millennium Men(who I encounter) down to two types. There’s the “Zero to 60”

brother a.ka. “Dr. Thirst” a.ka. “Mr. Ready to Pounce”. This is the guy who puts it all out there on first interaction. He has already mapped out our future and filled his Android calendar with all the outings of our new life together after one encounter. There are less extreme variations of this as well. He may not have already planned our wedding but say I just met him at the grocery and the first time he calls or texts he goes straight for the kill. There is no conversation. No laughter. No jokes. Just a lot of talk about what he thinks of me. The specific jargon varies depending on the type of brother. Conscious, rough around the edges, highly ed-u-ma-ca-ted, maaan it gets deep. But there lies the problem. Within my first 24 hours of talking to you it doesn’t need to get that deep. Please do not think men are excused from exhibiting the type of behavior that will make the opposite sex run the other way. I am quick on my feet and when I feel smothered, especially by someone whose middle name I don’t even know, I will do an Allyson Felix on you real fast. #watchmysmoke

Then there’s type #2. Let’s call him the Undecided or Scared to Make a Move brother. These guys pursue you as well but only short of asking you to go out. I know you may be thinking, hey Clever, it’s 2012. You seem pretty “liberated”. Why don’t you just ask him? Aaaah, but there is a reason my friends. There are actually several. I mean what if he’s crazy? What if I end up not enjoying myself and why in the sam hill would I want to spend time with a man who is too afraid to ask me to hang out? Yuck. See at least if he asks me then I won’t feel I brought the potential craziness upon myself. But most of all I’m still kind of old-school. I believe I should be pursued. Notice I didn’t say chased because if you’re chasing something it is running away from you. Brothers, if you throw the line out there and she doesn’t bite back you are chasing, not pursuing. If you continue to do that then you are the third type of guy who again for brevity’s sake I choose not discuss but we’ll just call him Mr. Worrisome as Hail. Anyway, you will not believe how many dates that never happened I’ve been on this year. Lol. Some of these guys are still fishing too. But it’s never gonna happen. The hinting at a date texts have now become a new source of humor for me.

So I don’t know where I fit within this conundrum. Some women may like the 0 to 60 action but I’m a happily single woman. I am not praying for a husband every night. No offense whatsoever to the sisters who are. I can dig it but this is MY venting piece and I don’t like when people come on too strongly and I don’t like indecisive men who appear to be so afraid of rejection that they fish around for me to ask them out. You should see the face I’m making right now. It’s a date not a marriage proposal. Geez. You know, I wake up happy in the morning and I go to bed feeling the same. So anybody coming into my mix right now needs to be someone whose I company I can enjoy and have lots of fun with. People have made it seem like that’s a bad word—fun. But I am single with no children and it’s how I feel. I get that relationships take effort and all that jazz but in the first 48 do I have to feel like I’m working hard with you? Of course I have standards. Of course there are things I will not accept but if a guy makes it past that initial, and I mean preliminary screening, all I am looking to do is enjoy the time. It seems the men now are thinking it through way too hard. Let’s just have a nice time. If you’re familiar with what I do then you know it gets real intense at times but at least I’m dealing with trying to bring about major change. Meeting up to hang out aint even that deep bruh. They are all so serious and I just want to have fun! If fun leads to someone becoming a regular part of my life then…cool. But when did it become this difficult? What part of the game is this? It seems to be all about extremes now. What happened to middle ground?  Where is the middle ground guy who is unattached and has no agenda beyond laughing with me and is open to all that may or may not happen beyond there? I think I’m a pretty smart woman but as of now I need an interpreter because apparently I have no clue how to speak “man”!