Dear Black Man: I NEED YOU

Last week it was reinforced to me that possibly right after food, water and my family, the next thing on my list of needs is indeed YOU, the Black Man. It is dire at this point. It has surpassed a want and it has become eminent that I have YOU. But guess what? I’m not selfish. I’m traditional and futuristic at the same time so I am beyond willing to share YOU. In the immortal words of Snoop Dogg and Korupt, “It ain’t no fun if my homies can’t have none.” Besides, what you have to offer is much more than what I can use alone. Yet, here lies the problem. I understand the urgency of my need for YOU but so many of YOU do not understand your tremendous importance in this equation. See I’m trying to solve for x here and there is no way I can get the correct answer without YOU, the Black Man. Try as I may, but it will not add up without YOU.

See, last week quite a few things happened that made me realize that I have to make YOU realize why I need YOU so badly. I run a youth program and my babies are from “at risk” communities. I have them a few times during the week and I notice they are lacking in many areas. They lack nowhere in potential. However, many of them do not receive enough time and attention to help cultivate their potential and bring it to fruition. After doing activities with them about setting goals I had to reprimand one of them for speaking negatively about her friends. A few minutes later I found this same little pumpkin sitting off to the side crying. When I asked her what was wrong she got up and hugged me and through teary eyes she told me that she has a problem. She said she gets angry and says bad things and she doesn’t know how to control herself. I asked this little third-grader what she believed it was that made her so angry. She told me she was mad because her father left her and it

 makes her act out. Now I realized that someone else must have articulated this to her because of how clearly she stated it. She told me she was seeing a therapist. She told me her father left when she was three years old. In the midst of keeping my other 12 children on task I had a heart to heart with her. In that short window of time I had to explain her value and worth to her as well as the fallacies and selfishness of adults. But I realized I was not YOU, a Black man. She always calls me mommy and she always needs extra love and attention from me. But this baby does not even read on grade level yet I’ve heard her talking to her peers about who she is going out with. She wants YOUR attention. She seeks validation from YOU.

In a few years it is certain that she will develop physically. Her future level of academic, emotional and mental development is indeterminate at this point. She will probably be a knock out because she is a beautiful little girl. She’s hurting on the inside though. So here lies my need, damn near desperation for YOU—Black man. How different would she be if daddy had stuck around? How different would she be if her uncle or neighbor or family friend decided to pick up the slack where daddy left off? I am doing what I can but I know that if YOU were there to tell her she is smart, capable, beautiful and worthy, it would surpass my efforts. It would shape how she conducts herself as a woman. It would affect the standards she sets for herself. I told a friend about this occurrence and he told me this little girl would probably end up on a pole. After snapping and telling him I didn’t find that funny at all and stopping to buy a bottle of wine, I realized he may be right. But YOU can change that—Black man. You can even change how her male peers conduct themselves. YOU can help them look at their female peers as their sisters rather than objects to prey upon. YOU can teach the girls that they don’t need to use their bodies to get male attention. YOU can show them that they are worthy of being loved just because of who they are. YOU can keep this baby girl off the pole!

Then there’s my teen program that happens to be comprised of all Black males. I have spent hours venting my frustrations as to how these fantastic young men need consistent male figures in their lives. Although I’ve given birth to zero children I take my role in this work very seriously and I have numerous youth and teens who view me in a motherly aspect. I now recognize the pain and frustration of a single mother when she has to have conversations with her son about being a man. In my opinion, it is an unnatural feeling for a woman to have to try to play the role of father or even male mentor. I know for a fact that I have made progress with these young men. I am humbled and proud of how I have watched them grow over the years in my program. I value the relationships I have built with their mothers and I respect the fine jobs their mothers have done. I continue to be amazed at how these youth listen to what I teach them about culture, life planning and---manhood but YOU can teach the boys how brilliant and powerful they are as young Black men in a way that we women cannot. YOU can teach them responsibility, accountability, what type of woman to choose and how to elevate their sisters rather than break their hearts.

So Dear Black Man: I don’t mean to overwhelm YOU. I just want YOU to understand how powerful YOU are. I just want YOU to understand that YOU are worth more than YOU know. YOU are like a tree with roots that are far reaching. Your actions have ripple effect. Your rightful place is not in prison, in numerous women’s beds or in an untimely grave.  Your rightful place is being a dedicated husband, father, a community warrior and a stand up brother. YOU are the example of what a man is. YOU are the example of what a father or father figure or mentor is. You are the example of how a man should treat a woman. YOU are the strength of our communities. Reclaim your strength brothers. Yes, Black women are strong. Yes, we do a lot on our own. But we need YOU. I need YOU. Our babies need YOU. Our young men and women need YOU. The Struggle needs YOU. Do NOT be afraid to speak up and act on behalf of what is right. Do NOT wait until you obtain said degrees or salaries to be a role-model, a father, and if you are in a relationship—a committed man. YOU can do it. I believe in YOU. I see YOU Black man and though I am not always happy with each and every one of YOU, I believe in YOU. I know YOU are great. Do YOU? Do YOU know there is more power in YOUR heart, soul and mind than there is between your legs? Do YOU know that I understand sisters can be difficult at times? Do YOU know that too many of us suffer from not being loved correctly? Do YOU know that YOU can break this cycle? Do YOU know that a hurt woman with a good heart will calm her ass down from YOUR sincere touch—from YOUR proof and dedication to do the right thing by her? Damn YOU are powerful! How can I make YOU realize this? YOU have to know this!

Before I close it out I want to add that I have many male friends. Those of my friends who are fathers, happen to be excellent, dedicated fathers. I am the product of a loving, dedicated single father and all of the  men in my family are the same. Therefore, I know the possibilities. I speak of no tall tales here. Talib Kweli stated “No question. Being a Black man is demanding…” Brothers, I believe it. I see it every day and Salute to all the brothers putting in work. We all have been wounded but I want to speak to those of YOU who are looking to sex, substance abuse and violence and the likes as a way to mask the pain. I want to speak to those of YOU who know YOU are destined for more but are secretly fearful or don’t quite know how to claim YOUR  rightful place as well as those who have not quite realized it yet. I want to speak on behalf of every sister who gave her time, energy and spirit to try and cultivate the potential of a Black man she loved—potential that she saw but he didn’t. We love your skin. We love your bodies. We love your rhythm. We love the way you make us smile. Yet we love and NEED your strength, discipline and leadership. Those things will help us sleep at night. Those things equal peace and security for us and our children. Those things make us proud to call YOU our fathers, brothers, husbands, mates, friends and sons.

So do not be afraid of separating yourself from people, places or things that hinder your growth. Do not be reluctant to read. Do not be reluctant to seek like minds or to seek counsel from men who are where you aspire to be. Brothers who are there, do not be afraid to share. Please don’t be condescending towards a Black man who desires to change his life for the better. Black man do NOT be afraid of the responsibility. We will help YOU but we need to see that YOU are trying. Please understand that your very existence is powerful beyond what YOU know. You are impacting generations to come. So again, I repeat, I NEED YOU. I cannot do this without YOU. We cannot do this without YOU. It’s time to break the chains and cycles, conquer the fears of failure—and success and get involved! Once you come to the realization of how powerful you are, with every beat of my heart I ask that you take at least one child under your wing as a mentor. I can quickly name 20 beautiful Black boys and teens who need YOU now!  We will not see the changes we desire to see in our communities without YOU as our leaders. The Black Community’s Heirchy of needs places YOU right underneath food, water and shelter. Please, please don’t let us down…